Moan for me like Helen Keller
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
