I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
then he tried to convert me to islam
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
