your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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