Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
