I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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