Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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