Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
