dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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