Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
