I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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