She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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