I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
