first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
im holly from the hills drunk
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
