oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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