Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
