Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
