I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
