Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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