I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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