what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
