I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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