So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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