I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
