and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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