some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize