yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
