Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
