Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Let's get the cat blown out
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
