Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
