Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
