Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Randomize
