i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
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