i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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