try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
