why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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