Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I didn't notice because vodka
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
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