I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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