what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
