nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
