She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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