he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I have aggressive nipples.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
