sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
