I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
are you so shy because you have an std?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
