I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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