fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
