Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
