haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
