Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
