Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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