you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
