if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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