Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i just google imaged poop.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
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