Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
