all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
