i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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