The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
