With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
