He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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