What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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