i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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