That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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