Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize