I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
