he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
