I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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