you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
