i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
