as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Randomize
