Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
honey bunches of taint.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
