God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize