she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
