now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
