my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
The adults are the big ones right?
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