why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
