nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
