I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
