Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
